Quarantine

Mar 11

Everyone has lived with me through the dread that has been 2020. It’s March 18th & KCMO has declared quarantine starting on Thursday, March 19th. In Carlos & Sana style, we were gonna make the best of it. Carlos & I had the next few days off & were gonna start the long weekend (& quarantine) with drinks & a movie.

We buy a bottle of Jack Daniels, which is SO rare, & beer to last us the weekend. Little did we know, Sana wasn’t going no damn drinking that weekend.

As we’re watching Uncut Gems, I’m starting to feel the really strong drink that Carlos made me. I don’t like Jack & Coke, but I’m drinking it to be appreciative of the fact that my husband made me a drink butttt I’m drinking them really fast. As I’m starting to feel the buzz, I remember the fact that my monthly hasn’t shown up for the month. Matter of fact, I haven’t had it for 2 months.

This was typical for me. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in late 2019 & one of the symptoms is irregular periods. This diagnosis came after our struggle with getting pregnant in mid-2019 as planned. (Later, we’ll talk more about my PCOS diagnosis & our struggle to get pregnant. Let’s get back to the fun story!)

Anyway, buzzed Sana remembers that she has an unused pregnancy test left over from her obsession with taking pregnancy tests when our fertility journey started. I said, “what the hell” & decided to take my full bladder with me to the restroom & take the pregnancy test. Besides, I didn’t wanna walk into this turn up quarantine mode & not know whether I was pregnant or if it was just my body playing tricks with me… again.

I’d been on the rollercoaster for almost a year at this point. You may know the one. Fingers crossed, prayers had on the toilet hoping to see two lines. That enthusiasm was gone at this point & I just needed to hurry up & see the one line, so I could go all in & get turnt up.

…

Pee, pee, pee. Wash hands, wash hands, wash hands. Dry, dry, dry. Maybe it’s done.

…

I look at the test & can’t believe my damn eyes. It’s a plus sign. I’d never seen a plus sign on one of MY pregnancy tests. I’d see it countless times on friends’ tests, family members’ tests & they were either (rarely) followed with really happy tears or (mostly) with sad, scared, nervous tears.

My test had a plus sign.

Literal thoughts - “what the fuck?! what the fuck?! what the fuck?!”

Original, fairy tale plans for telling Carlos that we were pregnant -

Take a pregnancy test in secret

Have a cute gift, date, something planned for when he got off work
Surprise him with the news
Have a very sweet, not cuss word filled moment, life, etc. & be endlessly happy for the rest of our lives

Actual way Carlos was told that we were pregnant (true mf story) -

Quickly & manically opens bathroom door.

“Carlos!…… Carlos!….. Carlos! Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” (he wasn’t saying anything - not sure why I needed him to shut up)

“Babe, what?!” - Carlos jumping off the couch thinking I’m bleeding, dying (honestly, maybe at this point so used to my dramatics that he’s actually really chill on the inside 😂)

“Carlos! Shut up the TV! Oh my God. Shut the fuck up! Shut up the TV!” - the Sana who just found out she’s pregnant can’t use words

“Babe, stop you’re scaring me. What?”

The next 5 minutes are the ones I couldn’t have ever planned.

The hugs, the tears, the true love & gratitude. I wish I could put it in a jar & revisit it when I needed to. Moments & feelings I won’t ever forget. That I’ll always cherish.

I called Aaron. Carlos & I asked him for advice. “What do we do??” I mean, he is a medic in the Army. He’ll know what to do.

Spoiler alert - Aaron has no idea.

The beautiful thing is nobody did.

Sana always has ideas. I ALWAYS have a plan. Nobody knew what to do.

I called my sister-in-law, Diana, next. (She’s actually an OBGYN nurse, so shoulda been my first call butttt… Also, why am I calling people??)

I call my sister. She comes over. We rush to Walmart cus 1 pregnancy test isn’t enough. AND there was a plus, butttttt that second one look kinda blurry, don’t it?!

Spoiler alert #2 - they’re all positive.

And just like that, as of March 18, 2020, after 13 years of it being just “Carlos & Sana”, we had the privilege of getting the opportunity to be parents to our little pumpkin.

After 13 years of love, after a year of agony, sadness, straight depression, God blessed us with the amazing opportunity to create someone & learn together what parenthood for Carlos & Sana would forever look like.

I sooo look forward to giving you all the details of all the love, tenderness, & gratitude that has played out for the last 6 months as Carlos & I get ready to build a family for & with our little cucumber. Until then, enjoy some pictures. 🥰