I didn’t expect to write about this anytime soon, but my PCOS symptoms are back in full force and I couldn’t help but wonder how many of us women deal with this reality in isolation. So, here I am.

Baby Carlos and Susana in 2019, absolutely oblivious and supposedly “ready” for what was to come.

Not everyone with PCOS struggles to conceive and not everyone’s birth control causes adverse effects, but here is my story.

In early 2019, Carlos and I started trying for a baby.

We tried.

And tried.

I had been on birth control since the age of 15 after I saw firsthand the impacts of teenage motherhood on life and I thought birth control was the best decision for me.

Unfortunately, I was going to a teen clinic at the time and it wasn’t really conducive to regular care. I just got my BC pills refilled and ‘see ya later’.

All through college I didn’t have health insurance, so I got healthcare through the free health clinic.

Again, no regular care - huge turnover on doctors, long waiting lists, and nobody regularly and confidently checking on my health.

I stayed on BC because it was the only thing that would keep my periods regulated-ish and I didn’t want to risk pregnancy.

When I became a teacher at 21/22, I finally got health insurance. I then searched for a family doctor. It was my first time at an internal medicine clinic since childhood. I thought bloodwork would be typical results.

A day later I got an unexpected call - it turned out my liver enzymes were almost quadruple what is normal.

We proceeded with process of elimination and I was instructed to eliminate the only medication I was on - my birth control pill. My liver enzymes dropped drastically.

Unfortunately, some of the damage was done and I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Liver Disease (NASH - the non-alcoholic type) and fatty liver disease.

From what my doc could tell, the thing that most likely caused it was my BC. To this day, I don’t have a great answer for this and with the volatility that was my healthcare experiences, I’m not sure that I’ll ever know.

I was crushed, because I thought I was doing the responsible thing by being on birth control.

I got an alternative (the IUD) and had to learn to manage my liver disease and fatty liver.

Years later, about 6, Carlos and I started to try for a baby.

Because it wasn’t happening, we had to take a closer look and I was diagnosed with PCOS.

Here I was, again, trying to be a responsible planner and waiting until we felt “ready” for a baby and not getting the expected results.

Though really exciting things were happening at the time, our struggle with infertility made it difficult to be happy.

I knew I didn’t want to parent for a long time, so I tried BC through my teenage hood and early adulthood - BOOM, liver disease.

I finally felt ready(-ish) to be a mom - done with school (twice), Carlos was done with school - BOOM, PCOS/infertility.

When I came off birth control to try for pregnancy, my PCOS symptoms went through the roof, especially my cyst pain.

Some birth control can suppress PCOS symptoms, especially the development of cysts.

Get off birth control to try for baby - BOOM, painful cysts.

Can’t catch a break…

Those months that we struggled with infertility threw me into a depressive spiral.

I couldn’t understand how growing up, so many of my friends and family saw pregnancy after pregnancy, mostly unplanned, and here I was, “ready” and planned for it all, and it wasn’t happening for us. I went through a lot of resentment and sadness that began my long term journey with talk therapy.

PCOS for me shows up in difficulty to lose weight, cysts, crazy food cravings, and constant fatigue. It’s best managed with exercise and healthy eating habits, but the symptoms I have are soooo counterproductive for these goals! I’ll continue to write about my PCOS (and liver disease) in hopes that other people who have this syndrome can relate and support.

On March 18th, 2020, Carlos and I went for a beer and snack run to prepare for a citywide quarantine that was starting the next day - COVID. I was kind of excited to have a few days off and hang out with my honey.

As I sipped on my drink and watched Hidden Gems, I thought I’d take a pregnancy test just in case.

After almost a year of negative tests and the same sad routine, I expected to get back to my movie and drink.

Worldwide healthcare crisis/global pandemic - BOOM, pregnancy.

Story of my life.

- Sana

*Cover photo courtesy of Vecteezy Stickers.

My Long (Unresolved) Search for Reproductive Health

I didn’t expect to write about this anytime soon, but my PCOS symptoms are back in full force and I couldn’t help but wonder how many of us women deal with this reality in isolation. So, here I am.

Not everyone with PCOS struggles to conceive and not everyone’s birth control causes adverse effects, but here is my story.

In early 2019, Carlos and I started trying for a baby.

We tried.

And tried.

And tried.

I had been on birth control since the age of 15 after I saw firsthand the impacts of teenage motherhood on life and I thought birth control was the best decision for me.

Unfortunately, I was going to a teen clinic at the time and it wasn’t really conducive to regular care. I just got my BC pills refilled and ‘see ya later’.

All through college I didn’t have health insurance, so I got healthcare through the free health clinic.

Again, no regular care - huge turnover on doctors, long waiting lists, and nobody regularly and confidently checking on my health.

I stayed on BC because it was the only thing that would keep my periods regulated-ish and I didn’t want to risk pregnancy.

When I became a teacher at 21/22, I finally got health insurance. I then searched for a family doctor. It was my first time at an internal medicine clinic since childhood. I thought bloodwork would be typical results.

A day later I got an unexpected call - it turned out my liver enzymes were almost quadruple what is normal.

We proceeded with process of elimination and I was instructed to eliminate the only medication I was on - my birth control pill. My liver enzymes dropped drastically.

Unfortunately, some of the damage was done and I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Liver Disease (NASH - the non-alcoholic type) and fatty liver disease.

From what my doc could tell, the thing that most likely caused it was my BC. To this day, I don’t have a great answer for this and with the volatility that was my healthcare experiences, I’m not sure that I’ll ever know.

I was crushed, because I thought I was doing the responsible thing by being on birth control.

I got an alternative (the IUD) and had to learn to manage my liver disease and fatty liver.

Years later, about 6, Carlos and I started to try for a baby.

Because it wasn’t happening, we had to take a closer look and I was diagnosed with PCOS.

Here I was, again, trying to be a responsible planner and waiting until we felt “ready” for a baby and not getting the expected results.

I knew I didn’t want to parent for a long time, so I tried BC through my teenage hood and early adulthood - BOOM, liver disease.

I finally felt ready(-ish) to be a mom - done with school (twice), Carlos was done with school - BOOM, PCOS/infertility.

When I came off birth control to try for pregnancy, my PCOS symptoms went through the roof, especially my cyst pain.

Some birth control can suppress PCOS symptoms, especially the development of cysts.

Get off birth control to try for baby - BOOM, painful cysts.

Can’t catch a break…

Those months that we struggled with infertility threw me into a depressive spiral.

On March 18th, 2020, Carlos and I went for a beer and snack run to prepare for a citywide quarantine that was starting the next day - COVID. I was kind of excited to have a few days off and hang out with my honey.

As I sipped on my drink and watched Hidden Gems, I thought I’d take a pregnancy test just in case.

After almost a year of negative tests and the same sad routine, I expected to get back to my movie and drink.

Worldwide healthcare crisis/global pandemic - BOOM, pregnancy.

Story of my life.

- Sana

I Have OCD

“Because we can, we have to…”